As I strive to kill parts of the old me and work to replace them, it’s often like flipping a coin.
It can be tempting to embrace negativity, to tear down, erase, and harm others, honing a sharp tongue ready to cut down anyone in our path. But what does this ultimately achieve? Nothing positive, nothing to take pride in, nothing that makes life truly fulfilling.
So, let’s reject that destructive path and choose the harder one.
Let’s uplift people, validate them, offer them grace, and, above all, try to love and accept them for who they are, not who we want them to be.
I make it sound simple, but it’s not. It can be incredibly difficult, especially if, like me, you’ve long believed that your worth depends on what others think of you. In such cases, we may preemptively hurt others to control their opinion of us, avoiding vulnerability at all costs, driven by ego, anxiety, malice, fear, or anger. Being kind can seem like a daunting challenge.
Remember when I mentioned some people, like me, derive their worth from how others perceive them? Well, that realization didn’t come easily. It took deep introspection and self-discovery to understand that my actions were more intricate than just wanting to say hurtful things. But it also taught me something important:
How someone treats you often has little to do with you and more to do with them.
Sure, there have been times when I’ve said unkind things to people who may have deserved it or held onto anger longer than I should have. But why waste energy on resentment and anger? It poisons you, and I mean that quite literally; it can seriously affect your physical health.
Here’s the point: Give yourself some grace. Allow yourself to feel what you feel, be gentle with yourself, trust that you’re doing your best, and remember that self-criticism will only hold you back. Do these things for your sake.
Once you’ve learned to give yourself grace, it becomes much easier to extend it to others. You’ll understand on a deeper level that their actions and words are more about them than about you. It’s not about malice; it often stems from deep-seated trauma or hurt that predates your involvement. Offer them validation for their needs, provide the reassurance you’d want during your most insecure moments. If they can’t give themselves that love yet, be that love for them. It may not be reciprocated, but that’s not the point. Lean into love, show them safety and understanding, and try not to resent them for what they may not be ready to understand.
Now, please understand that giving grace doesn’t mean you have to invite them back into your life. Forgiveness is one thing; allowing someone to continue causing harm is another. There’s no universal answer to what’s tolerable, and each of us must decide that for ourselves. However, try not to cling to anger if you can help it; it festers and grows, even if it feels easier than confronting your true emotions.
Peace, Love, Epstein Didn’t Kill Himself,
Matt