My brother is coming in town this weekend so I’ve got about 45 minutes or so to vomit this out so we will see how polished the output is here.
I’ve been back on Meds for about 4 months now. Some pretty serious life changes/the worst shit I’ve ever had to deal with (no hyperbole, I’m serious) happened and I started to spiral, all of my ADHD and co-morbid Anxiety symptoms suddenly became overwhelming to the point I couldn’t do anything effectively besides dwell on things, lash out and just be a fucking shit head.
Getting on meds for these things hasn’t been a cake walk and it’s taken some time to sort them out and here is a synopsis of it thus far.
I was first prescribed Busprion and Wellbutrin which exacerbated my symptoms for a few weeks. I noticed the Buspiron making me light headed somedays right after I took it but I did notice it took the edge off a bit. I was put on Wellbutrin for my ADHD and some mild depression initially but I don’t think it did much of anything besides make me a pissed off zombie of sorts. I’d get sad and cry, I’d get angry and lash out, and it felt like it would ebb and flow between those two emotions quite a bit. It eventually leveled out and I was okay but it wasn’t doing the job. My ADHD still prevailed and my mind would never quiet down.
Fast forward to a few weeks ago and I changed things up. I knew the Wellbutrin wasn’t doing its job so I asked my psych to drop that and put me on something else for ADHD, his answer was to try Strattera. So here was the perfect storm scenario, coming off of Wellbutrin and starting Strattera had some gnarly side effects. I felt legit crazy for a few days, I took my crazy out on others and was probably the worst version of myself I’ve ever been. It’s important to note never once did I feel like harming myself or others (outside of some emotionally abusive behavior). I also couldn’t sleep worth a shit, getting maybe 2-3 hours a night at random times and feeling like a shell of a person during the day.
Thankfully the hellscape that was my life quickly dissipated. I called my pysch after that weekend and dropped the Strattera and was put on something called Qelbree. (I understand if some of these med names make no sense but it’s important to know that they are non-stimulants. I know that Adderall works like a champ but… I’m not wild about taking legal Meth so I’m working to see if anything else is as effective) Qelbree so far has been a godsend. No side effects of note and for the first time in YEARS I feel like the following has been vastly improved.
- Emotional Regulation
- Nervous System Regulation
- No Intrusive Thoughts
- No Impulsivity
- Calm and Quiet Mind
- Able to Prioritize Effectively
- Ability to sit in silence and be Happy and Collected.
I also upped my Buspiron slightly which has also helped. but so far Qelbree has been pretty great.
So we will see how this goes long term but if there is one thing that has been extremely nice about getting these meds right and the silver lining to being legit crazy there for a few weeks, its that I feel at peace. I feel calm. I feel okay for periods longer than a day or two for the first time in months.
Peace, Love, and David Byrne
Matt (Hey look at that, 20 minutes end to end to write this mess)