I’m not going to start this with some grandiose statement about how “working out saved my life” or anything stupid and crazy like that. It may have, but if it did I have no idea.
What I will say is that working out has never been a priority for me, until 189 days ago. I hated life in early February, that hate was misguided in a lot of ways and I was lashing out in directions I shouldn’t have. I projected my unhappiness on others and was smug and ugly. At some point I decided I wasn’t happy with my physical self and started working out. I also was keenly aware with my penchant for starting something and then quickly stopping so I wanted to approach this differently.
I’m not that great at forming and keeping habits. So in order to make sure my quest for improved health succeeded I made a pact with myself that I would work out every single day. Mind you not everyday is heavy and strenuous but I’d make sure to at least do 30 minutes a day of something. At first it took a little while to get into, I was sore, I didn’t want to do it, etc. but I quickly realized, fuck motivation, discipline is all that matters.
When you feel like half of you is just gone, overnight. Fuck motivation, discipline is all that matters.
When you have a bad day and don’t want to do anything. Fuck motivation, discipline is all that matters.
When you feel like the worst version of yourself and that things won’t get better. Fuck motivation, discipline is all that matters.
When you’re happy as fuck and satisfied with life. Fuck motivation, discipline is all that matters.
The hard part is realizing that discipline is all that matters in a lot of ways and not just working out. Discipline is all that matters when you wanna drop a hate bomb on someone, when you want to destroy someone verbally, when you are fighting the impulse to be mean, hateful, and anything other than loving and kind.
Cultivate mental discipline by relinquishing ego’s grip, allowing yourself to refrain from reactive impulses. Choose to respond thoughtfully, guided by a clear mind.
It turns out that being disciplined enough to work out was the easy part. Being disciplined enough to keep yourself in check and not give in to anger in the face of losing it all, losing yourself, losing love… that just isn’t something I’ve achieved yet but fuck, am I trying.